Darkest Light
by ever changes
Summary: When Ben Solo decided to join the Dark side, he never expected his journey into the darkness would be anyone's but his own. However, when faced with the oddity of a small, nameless child raised by Snoke, he soon realizes that complete devotion to the Dark side isn't all it's cut out to be. Can he overcome his draw to the Light or will his failings doom them both? (Kylo x OC)
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! So this story is going to be very slow-burn romance, if you could call it that. The chapters are going to start out being fairly short but I promise they'll get longer as I go. Updates will probably slow with time, however. I've got a lot of middle peices to connect before I get to the ending I've already written for this piece. Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

 **P.S. There is a fair deal of French all throughout. It's not necessary to follow the story but some of you may want to go ahead and pull up Google translate. It should translate well enough for you.**

* * *

A scrappy-looking teenager stood hesitantly in front of haggard looking old man sitting on a stone throne. The long hilt of a lightsaber was gripped in the boy's hand, his knuckles turning white in anticipation. The day he'd prove his worth and finally start his _real_ training; he couldn't wait. But for now, he had to show patience. Supreme Leader Snoke would expect nothing less of him. He was going to be a Sith lord after all, and even Sith lords were masters of their emotions. But for God's sake, where was this nameless being he was supposed to defeat?

All of a sudden, a twig snapped behind him. He whirled around, lightsaber blazing a bright green in the dark jungle night. He lowered the weapon, seeing a small girl standing at the entrance to the path to Snoke's dwelling. She couldn't have been more than eleven, her black jumpsuit that would have clung to anyone else, hung off of her petite form. Then, he noticed her belt. The black scrap of leather tied around her hips was heavily laden with weapons: daggers, blasters, whips, and even a very crude looking lightsaber hilt.

"Am I to fight _her_?" he couldn't help the disappointment in his voice. Surely Snoke realized his power, his ability to destroy this child with ease.

"Do not underestimate her, Ben Solo." Unconsciously, he flinched at the name, at anything that tied him to his past. He wanted to change it… But to what? But that was a problem for another time. For now… The young man lifted his lightsaber cautiously, watching the small child. She didn't appear to understand what was going on. She just stood there, a small knife in her left hand.

" _Combattez_ ," Snoke ordered, inclining his head towards the black-haired boy. The child pulled out her toy lightsaber and turned it on. A red beam of light shot out from the tip, every bit as real as his, except she held it in a single hand, pulling out a blaster with her right. Ben Solo waited; she was half his size, too skinny to be strong, and too young to be strong with the Force. No matter what she was capable of with her short lightsaber and beaten up blaster, he could outdo her. This would be easy.

Her blue eyes didn't blink as she raised the blaster and pointed it at his head. Her white hair whipped around her face as she fired six times in rapid succession. Ben blocked each shot with his lightsaber taking small advancing steps towards the child. But the shots were a distraction; she had disappeared. A twig snapped in the forestry around him and he lurched forward, slicing into the darkness. But no, she was behind him, her lightsaber speeding towards his torso.

" _Ne l_ _e tuez pas!"_ At the last second, on Snoke's orders, she changed the path of the weapon and it sliced up his side instead, burning his ribcage but doing no mortal harm. She twisted away before the lightsaber neared his armpit but quickly brought it back to his throat.


	2. Chapter 2

"I can feel you up there. Why are you following me?" Ben Solo barked into the tree branches above his head. A small, round face popped out of the foliage. He had no idea how she had hidden herself so completely, her white hair suddenly standing out against the green leaves. If it hadn't been for his gift with the Force, he would've never realized she was up there. She hadn't made a single sound, and he had been walking for quite a while…

She cocked her head to the side and slowly slid down; she was hanging from nothing but her feet when suddenly, she dropped, flipping over in the air as nimbly as TIE fighter in battle. She strode to his side and looked up at him with a vacant expression. She just waited.

The teen ager took the opportunity to scrutinize the small girl. She didn't quite make it to mid-bicep on him and her hair only fell to her ears. He realized now that it was wispy and weightless, getting tousled by any gust of air, even his breath. Her eyes were a deep blue, yet empty of any expression, and sign of intelligence beyond the dedicated hunter. And he realize now that that was exactly what she was, Snoke's personal huntress. Her pale skin suggested hours spent in shadows. Yet, for all the fighting she must have experienced, there wasn't a scar to be seen across her round yet drawn face. Her jumpsuit still hung from her limbs, revealing her obvious starvation. He had no idea what Snoke had done to this girl and he wasn't sure he wanted to find out.

"I asked why you're following me." No response. "Are you mute?"

" _Je ne comprends pas._ "

"Right…," Ben sighed peering at her with obsidian eyes as he pulled a hand through his tangled black locks. "Well, I don't know whatever language you're speaking so let's forget about the whole thing. Name's Ben, though… Ah, never mind." He held out his hand. The girl cocked her head to the side, staring at him as vacantly as ever. Then, miraculously, she took his hand… with her left one and didn't let go. And so, trapped by this strange child, Ben Solo trekked forward through the jungle.


	3. Chapter 3

"Perhaps she has an unfair advantage over you. She has been studying your movements and fighting style for months. You have never seen her in action." Snoke sat in a chair very similar to his stone throne but inside of a spaceship hurtling towards some unknown destination. The girl, still nameless, stood ready to jump out the moment they arrived. Her fingers absentmindedly stroked the lightsaber hilt sitting on her left hip. Ben watched the child curiously. It had been three months since their first encounter and he hadn't gotten any closer to defeating the girl. Her attacks seemed disconnected, unrelated, until they piled up and you found yourself laying in the mud with a blaster between your eyes. Getting to watch her in action without fighting her could prove to be beneficial.

Finally, they landed on a very green planet with large trees. Just a few parasecs from their landing site was the beginning of a scattered village built into the upper layer of the trees. Large, hulking beings moved from building to building, carrying meat, firewood, weapons. It took a moment for Ben to recognize them in the sudden bright light: wookiees. Snoke had taken them to the wookiee home world. The girl stood quite still as the hangar door dropped open, conveying she had done this before.

" _Combattez_ ," Snoke ordered and she took off. It took longer than he cared to admit, for Ben's mind to process beyond the blurring image of a half-sized human decimating the village. Blood filled the air along with petrified screams. She blocked blasters with her lightsaber, shot into crowds, disappeared into buildings, used wookiees as shields against other wookiee attacks. She cut down men, women, and children with blinding speed, all without batting an eye.

"Tell her to stop," Ben muttered. "Tell her to stop!" he cried out, begging Snoke hopelessly while his mind filled with swirling images of Uncle Chewie.

"You're being seduced by the Light. Cut-ties with your past, Ben Solo. Worry not of the creatures; watch how she fights." He tried, honestly, he did. He focused on how she maneuvered, how each wall, each hole in her path became a stepping stone to victory. She was wholly aware of her surroundings in a way that he couldn't dream of yet…

"Please, please tell her to stop. They haven't done anything wrong!" Snoke ignored the teenager. Frantic, he ran out of the shuttle and across the village to where the massacre was taking place. Half the time, he could hardly bring her into focus she moved so quickly, changed directions so abruptly. "Stop!" he shouted. "You must stop." She ignored him as wookiees barreled towards them from either side. In a last second decision, desperate to end this killing-spree, he turned his lightsaber on and ran it straight through her.

Everything stopped. The wookiees backed away still crying out in anguish over their lost loved ones. How many were left? 60 or so? The girl furrowed her eyebrows, glancing down at green light sword, then back up at him. Her lightsaber and blaster clattering to the wood-plank floor as she stared at him with startled eyes. He turned off the saber and let her drop between her weapons. His pulse hammered in his ears and he dared to turn back and look at Snoke.

"Killer of Ren," Snoke hissed, the ship hovering closer. "She was the most promising knight in the Order. Your ignorance and weakness to the Light side has destroyed her. I will continue training you when you have severed yourself from your past sympathies."

"What about the girl?" he asked, glancing down at the child he had almost certainly slaughtered.

"Leave her. She is useless to me now." With that, the hangar door closed and the ship rose, taking off into space, abandoning Ben with the child and screaming wookiees. Several older men gathered around them, wanting the girl dead for her actions.

"She was just following orders. She's just a child," he spoke in her defense, attempting to save her despite that her outlook was already grim. It took a while, but finally the survivors of the massacre let her go. The dark haired teenager leaned down and scooped the child into his arms, placing her favorite weapons on her torso. She just watched him, not making a noise as he carried her across the village, towards a half-built home nobody was around. He climbed slowly toward the hut while speaking to the survivors, making sure they could safely reside there for the night. Her actions were… despicable, but he couldn't find it in him to hate her.

" _Pourquoi vous m'avez poignardé_? _Je ne comprends pas_." Her voice was soft, slightly puzzled but not upset. The boy placed her on a stack of wood and sighed, unzipping her jumpsuit so he could see the wound, ignoring her speech completely. " _Vous ne parlez pas français?_ "

"I really don't understand a word you're saying," Ben groaned, examining the raw, red hole gaping open. He could see the back of her jumpsuit through it but the wound was not bleeding, completely cauterized by the heat of the lightsaber. He dared to press around it to ensure nothing inside was ready to fester out. She convulsed, grasping his hand but somehow keeping herself from removing it. He glanced up at her face, which had turned an ashen white, making her look more ghost than human. Hesitantly, he pressed again, having to assure himself that she wasn't going to suddenly bleed out if he went for water. A shocked cry escaped thin, pale lips and her nails dug into his wrists.

" _Arrêtez-vous, s'il vous plaît._ " He could barely hear the words over ragged gasps for airs. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she began to shake all over. Luckily, the wound remained very much closed.

"I'll be back with water. Don't move." He didn't know why he bothered to talk to her when she obviously didn't understand. Perhaps he did it for himself, as a way to feel slightly more in control of the whole situation. The trek to a water plant and back must have been a farther walk than he had thought because when he got back with a full water canister, the girl was curled up on her side convulsing. Sweat dripped down her face and coated her entire body. She had kicked off her jumpsuit, leaving her in nothing more than pair of skin-tight black shorts.

Ben froze, wondering if it was even possible to save her at this point. Infection was setting in quicker than he had expected and who knew if he had struck a vital organ. Shaking his head of uncertainty, he rolled her on her back and propped her up against him, holding the water canister to her lips. "Drink," he ordered. She shook her head, body trembling in his arms. "Drink," he repeated, forcing the opening of the canister into her mouth and tilting it up. She obeyed but coughed and sputtered when he pulled it away. He forced her to lay down on her back and examined the wound again, pouring cold water into it.

" _S'il vous plaît,_ " she moaned. " _Arrêtez-vous, s'il vous plaît. Arrêtez-vous._ " Her hands tangled into her hair, nails digging into her scalp to keep her from attacking the dark-eyed teen who obviously thought he was helping somehow. Ben Solo leaned down and picked up the girl's tattered jumpsuit and started ripping it into strips. He doused a couple of them in water and then forced them into the gaping hole. The girl screamed, tears leaking out of her eyes.

"I'm trying to help you. Just relax." Taking the dry strips, he covered the wound and tied the strips together as tightly as possible. He didn't really know what it would do for her but hopefully she'd stop shaking so much. Then, he heard her mumbling under her breath. He put his ear to her lips to hear better.

"Kie-lo oh Ren… Kie-lo oh Ren…" The teen sighed, laying down beside her on top of the small rock outcropping.

"You're not going to die," he assured her, wiping the sweat from her brow. "I didn't kill you. You're fine. You're fine." He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince.

* * *

Sometime during the night, her fever broke and she began to breathe normally again. She woke sometime after day break and attempted to sit up. Before she managed to get her second hand underneath her, Ben shot up and laid her back down. "Kylo Ren?"

"No. No. My name's Ben." He pointed to his chest. "Ben." She nodded.

"Ren. Kylo Ren." His head slumped forward and he sighed.

"Fine. If I'm Kylo Ren, then you're Ren." White hair waved from side to side as she denied that.

" _Je n'ai pas de nom._ "

"Right, right. You don't speak Basic. Here, drink some water. I also traded with the wookiees if you're up for a meal." She sipped out of the water canister warily and then watched him with empty eyes as he gathered up the bread he had gotten. "Eat?" he offered, handing her a chunk while his eyes focused on the swelling reaching its way out from under her bandages. It didn't look _too_ bad. If the wound didn't get any more infected, she may just survive. Not to mention, the girl apparently had an extremely high toleration for pain. He could put two fingers straight through her; she had to be in agony.

Obsidian eyes glanced up when she didn't take the bread. "Come on, you have to eat." He gestured to his mouth.

" _Oh! Mangez! Mangez du pain._ _Non, merci. Vous mangez du pain._ " The child waved the food away and propped herself up against the hut wall. Her fingers caressed the wood absentmindedly. Somehow, she seemed to be in a stable state of mind.

"Look, Ren, I'm not the best at communicating in Basic, but you need to eat. If you don't take this bread, I'm going to shove it down your throat. I traded my blaster for this. Take it."

" _Je ne suis pas Ren. Je n'ai pas de nom et je n'ai pas faim. Vous mangez du pain._ " She took her chunk and pushed it back towards him. Simultaneously, they huffed at the other's lack of understanding. "I no has hoon-gare. _Vous_ has hoon-gare. _Vous mangez du pain._ " Her flat chest heaved up and down, ribs seeming to contract with every breath.

"You speak Basic?!" he shouted. "Why didn't you tell me you spoke Basic?!"

"I speak lee-tle. I no soup-ohs to. _Je parle français._ "

"What do you mean you're not supposed to speak Basic? Why not?"

"Monsieur Snoke no… like…? … _quand_ I speak bah-seek"

"Well, you're not very good at it." She didn't react, just watched him with light blue eyes. "Alright, no Basic around Snoke. Don't worry, I won't tell him you ever said a coherent word to me. But you need to eat, Ren, even if you're not hungry."

"Ren _est_ no _mon nom._ I no has _nom._ Ren _est_ _un_ teet-la. Good feet-ter call Ren. You Ren now. _Vous m'avez poignardé._ "

"Well, Kylo Ren isn't my name but that doesn't change that fact you need to eat." She dropped her shoulders and rather unwillingly bit into the bread. She chewed slowly, contemplatively.

"You call Kylo Ren now. I like."

"You do?" he muttered, watching her closely as he ate his own share. "Fine. Kylo Ren it is. I needed a new name anyway. But only if I get to call you Ren." Her eyes narrowed but she nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

Kylo Ren sliced at the surrounding foliage, his new lightsaber burning through wood and leaves. Animals could be heard yelping and running away from his path of destruction. Each slash was a little fiercer, a little more violent. He was looking to kill and he wasn't afraid to show it. Suddenly, a twig snapped behind him. He whipped around, going for a direct strike without bothering to ask questions. The red saber halted just before slicing through the small child's neck. "Oh. It's you," he mumbled, turning off the sword, his fit of passion seeming to have left him upon her appearance. "How's your wound?" The teen tried sounding nonchalant about it but she had been absent for months and Snoke still talked about her as if she were dead, which she pretty much had been by the time Snoke finally sent a shuttle to retrieve them.

She unzipped her very tattered black jumpsuit and revealed the wound. It was still red and angry but scar tissue seemed to be forming around the edges. At least it was starting to close up. He nodded his approval and quickly zipped the suit up for her. "You really shouldn't do that. It's not proper." She tilted her head to the side but said nothing. Tentatively, he reached out to her with the Force, wondering what he might find there. Her aura was… silent, completely void of emotion. She was, at the very least, Force-sensitive but there was no real reason to expect that she was gifted with it at all. Pressing further, he sought her mind, wanting to break beyond this mask of stoicism.

Breaking through her mind was terribly hard, harder than any of the others he had been practicing on. But when he finally breached her irons walls he found… nothing. Her mind was blank, clear. Images of him standing in front of her was all. The present, nothing more. No emotion, no curiosity, no questions, no thoughts, no memories. Somewhere there had to be memories! Wherever they were, he couldn't find them. His mind retreated away from hers and they stood, staring at one another.

"Has ze trees offend you?" A low sigh escaped his lips as he glanced around at the damaged forestry.

"No… I just – I finally finished my new lightsaber. See?" He held out the hilt to her. She grasped it in her tiny hands, the hilt suddenly seeming much larger than it really was. Moving silently despite the scattered leaves on the floor, she gave herself space to maneuver and turned it on. After a few moments, cross guards appeared on either side of her hand. The saber was about as long as she was tall and she used two hands to wield it. In all their battles, he had never seen her hold anything with both hands. With an expert's agility, something he had only seen Luke use before, she played through an imaginary battle, slicing through foes and twirling about in the air to dodge invisible attacks. All this without a sound. Only the crackle of his lightsaber could be heard as she fought.

"Too long," she muttered, handing it back to him. "My saber very silent." She pulled out hers and very formally presented it to him. The hilt looked like it was made out of a tin can with rubber strips melted onto it. Her activation switch was a literal bottle cap. Shaking his head, he turned on the saber, watching the red blade shoot out. In all, it was less than his arm's length, but perfect for the tiny wielder. He had to admit, despite her short range, she never had a problem striking down enemies. "Try," she urged him. Reluctantly, he swung the lightsaber, noting how light it was compared to his, and the fact that only a small buzzing sound resonated from the blade.

"It's alright for a child," he acquiesced, handing it back. No reaction. "Your Basic is better."

"I has been practicing."

"Where? With who?"

"I listen to ze fighters. I has been sleeping in ze rafters above ze fighting area." He brought his lightsaber up and pointed it at her.

"You've been above us the whole time and you never said anything to me?" Azure eyes glanced down at the weapon.

"I is not soup-ohs to speak Basic." He stepped forward, raising the blade to her shoulder and pushing it behind her until they were standing just an arm's length apart.

"Supposed to," he corrected her, watching her for any show of emotion, any acknowledgement of the fact that he could kill her with one fell swoop. Her head cocked to the side, revealing her neck to him even more. Burn wounds coated the revealed skin. "You're not supposed to speak Basic," he mumbled, examining her. The small child was completely relaxed, even as he turned his lightsaber off and grabbed her head and shoulder, keeping her in the same position while his fingers traced each scar. They were obviously from a lightsaber.

"I not sup–ohs to speak Basic." He could feel her heartbeat pulsing in her neck: slow, steady, calm.

" _I'm_ not _supposed_ to speak Basic. Try it again."

"I'm not sup-post to speak Basic." Without thinking about it, he laughed, letting her go and looking down at her. "You learn me Basic?"

"Yeah, I'll teach you Basic, kid. No problem." He turned as if to walk away and then whipped around, his lightsaber stopping right in front of her nose. Not even a blink. "Don't you feel fear?!" he shouted, she pushed his lightsaber away with her own and stepped forward, right up to his chest and stared up.

"Fear?"

"Yeah. You know, heart racing, adrenaline pumping fear. Terror. Surprise. The want to avoid pain, avoid death. Any of that?!"

"I no like pain _mais_ I no avoid pain. I pain me." She tapped her neck. Kylo Ren bent down, staring into her eyes and trying again to sense something from her aura.

"You burnt yourself? With your lightsaber?" She nodded.

"Pain outside make less pain inside." He knew exactly what she meant. How many hours had he spent fighting rocks just to make his muscles ache and hands bleed? How many times did he attack his surroundings – most people called them tantrums – to release the pent-up anger and frustration and the inherent desire to _tear himself apart_?

"Why do you hurt on the inside, Ren? What causes your pain on the inside?" It had been a long time since he had heard anyone use a tone as gentle and coaxing as he was using with her. Raw anguish shook the girl. Where before he could sense nothing of what was happening inside of her, suddenly Kylo was overwhelmed by the sheer strength of her emotions. "Hey. No, it's okay. It's okay." At a loss for what to do, he pulled her into his arms. The emotion drained from her body instantly and she stood rigid in his arms.

"What is you doing?" her muffled voice rang against his chest. He pulled back, feeling blood rush to his cheeks though he wasn't quite sure why. This kid was just… weird. He didn't know how he felt about her.

"It's called a hug. Haven't you had one before?"

"Hug?"

"Yeah. It's a sign of affection… well, usually. People do it to comfort other people."

"Oh. I no sup-post to has human contact."

"Right. Like you're not supposed to speak Basic." White hair bobbed up and down. A pause. "Ren… If you're not supposed to speak Basic, or have human contact, why do you do those things with me?"

"You call me."

"I call you?"

"From ze trees," she pointed upwards. "You no ignore me."

"But you're disobeying a direct order from Supreme Leader Snoke, aren't you?" Silence.

"You no tell _Monsieur_ Snoke. Like you no tell I speak Basic."

"That's lying, Ren. That's very dangerous. Snoke can tell when you lie."

"He no tell when I lie." Kylo studied her. He hadn't been able to reach into her memories or sense her emotions, even though it was now apparent she had them. Well, at least some. Could she really hide from Snoke?

"Tell me why you're in pain, Ren." She took a step back, the same wealth of torment welling up as she shied away from him. He caught her by the wrist. "You can tell me. You can trust me. You're safe here. No pain on the outside."

"I like pain on ze outside. Less pain in." Her voice cracked, tears started to collect in her eyes. In the six months he had known her, never had she shown any sort of emotional being and now it seemed he had pushed her to her breaking point. Yet, Kylo was relentless. He _had_ to know. He couldn't be the only one in the Knights of Ren who didn't feel completely whole.

"Tell me, Ren," it was nothing short of a command. A single tear spilt onto her cheek and she glanced down, hanging her head.

"Ze dead…Ze dead in my head," she sobbed. "I no like kill. I no want to. Ze dead make pain on inside all ze time. Why I kill? I no want kill." And suddenly, she made just a little more sense. Hesitantly, Kylo reached out and pulled her back into his arms. This time, she continued sobbing, her inner turmoil spilling across the Force so he could sense it. In some ways, it was more than anything he had experienced, in others it felt oddly familiar.

"Ren… Ren, listen to me. Forget this. You can't let Snoke know about this. Turn it off, just like you did before. Just turn the pain off." She jerked out of his arms, staring at him with red, watery eyes. He tried to catch her wrist again, but she was both stronger and faster. Just as suddenly as she had appeared, she vanished back into the jungle. Kylo sighed but let her go, noticing when her signature disappeared from the Force.


End file.
